Women And Their Cooking Styles (Before You Say I Do)

1. Aquatic spirits: These ones will make an ocean out of any meal, one cup of rice is to 25 litre of water, literally, they don't make Eba, they do "swimming cassava flakes".

2. Dead Sea: They have a covenant with salt, no living thing can survive if dropped in their pot of soup, Dangote salt recognises them yearly, they make the market boom.

3. Loud sounding cymbals: All noise and no substance, you can perceive the aroma of their foods from the Nigerian-Cameroon border, but that's where it ends, the taste will spoil your day and ruin your appetite.

4. Mixed culture: They are professional mixologists, they'll combine ancient Egyptian spices with local spices from the Nok culture, then garnish with ginger, garlic, tumeric, and all sorts of funny tasting blends, we should call them science students!

5. Silencers : These type can survive in any Nigerian private university hostel, Covenant, Babcock, Crawford, etc. Guess why? You never perceive anything, their meals are aroma non-compliant.

6. Kitchen imbeciles: May you never be unfortunate enough to meet one, their mama never allowed them in the kitchen once, they just stare confusingly, they can add okro to noodles, no kidding.

7. Credit thrift and loans: They're mostly from the south south, their meals leaves your account balance weeping uncontrollably, they can never manage, all sorts of animals must attend every pot session, with such ladies, you'll be "having the form of wealthiness but deny the power thereof!"

8. Village witches: Poverty is sunk deeply in their system, they are high performers with meals below 500 naira, they make local meals well, locust bean is their destiny partner, bitter leaf is always on the menu!

9. Cacophony of confusion: Just pity your unborn kids even if you're considering them for other purposes, they can add the oddest food combos, yam and rice, jollof rice and pettered beans, 24 vegetable varieties in one pot, lets not go on.

10. Wife materials(1,523,456 yards, quality Korean fabrics). They are high performers under any situation, they can make meals with 100 naira as well as 20,000 naira, food so perfect you think Angels supply their recipes, if you see one, cleave to her, even if she's the bone of your flesh!

Caveat: Advise taken at readers' risk, the writer is NOT liable for any inconveniences that may arise as a result of applying this piece, thank you.