Ali radiyallāhu anhu mentioned in a hadeeth that he frequently had pre-seminal fluid emissions (كنت رجلا مذاء) or what the young generation know as pre-cum (slang). He used to take a ritual bath (ghusl) whenever he had it because he thought the ruling was the same with the emission of semen (Sheikh Abdullah Ibn Abdulrahmān Al-Bassām mentioned this in his sharh of Umdatul ahkām). He (Ali) was ashamed to ask the Rasul the ruling on pre-seminal fluid because (as mentioned by Shaikh Ibn Uthaymeen) emission of pre-seminal fluid is related to urges and the private parts. Ali was both the prophet's Nephew and Son-in-law, and thus he felt ashamed to mention such issue to the Rasul.
Instead he sent Miqdād Ibn Al-Aswad to ask the Rasul, and he was told (by the Rasul) to (only) wash his private part, and then perform ablution (i.e preseminal fluid nullifies ablution).
One may say that first paragraph was an overkill. Why go to that extent to discuss a topic like urges? In my defence I will say, I needed to get two points out as a form of introduction:
●Urges are normal occurrences among healthy humans. In fact the chaste and spiritually conscious are more likely to feel sexual urges because they do not seek unlawful means to satisfy their sexual needs, so there is a chance of accumulation.
●The intensity varies among humans. Some have negligible urges. Others have normal urges that come and go. Some others have urges so severe they are difficult to control. Then there are the Nymphomaniacs (and Satyromaniacs).
Perhaps one of the most trying aspects of puberty is handling urges, and people's choices at such a delicate period has left a life long mark on some. Like we have always mentioned, the human sexual biology is designed towards procreation, and once your body senses that you are ready it recruits a cocktail of actions and hormones, many beyond your immediate control, to push you towards the one thing that will ensure the continuity of human existence - sex.
From the development of masculine and feminine features at puberty that will be considered sexually arousing and attractive, to the menarche, nocturnal emitions (wet dreams), early morning erections and the others that may come unannounced, pre-seminal emissions and 'wetness' (in women) that mess up underwears (teenagers at puberty without proper counseling have been known to go to lengths to hide these things from parents and siblings). All these are meant for just one purpose, to drive a man to have sex with a woman, get her pregnant and produce offsprings. The pleasure you chose to derive from the process is entirely at your discretion. Nature's major concern is that you are 'pushed' to shoot shots, that find good 'nets' and become 'goals'.
Now you see that urges are normal human feelings, and there is nothing sinful about having them. What you do with them is what determines what side of the scale your actions will be recorded. However some urges can be extremely difficult to handle, and it is ignorance of this fact that makes parents delay marriage of their children (daughters especially). There are persons that if they don't get married at a certain age, it will take a miracle for them not to commit Zina. That's why any society that has too many unmarried adults will most definitely have cases of promiscuity in abundance. You can't cheat nature, and there is a limit to how much even fasting can help curtail urges.
Crazy urges seem to have a mind of their own. It wil feel like your head wants to go North but your body wants to go South. This is what Allāh has commanded, but.....but...but...damn, it's so overwhelming to resist. Why not just a taste, just once....then just another....then another...boom, you have joined the bandwagon of people who satisfy their urges with the harām.
What can you do?
1. Fear Allāh.
The fear of Allāh may not automatically guarantee you won't falter and sin, but the extent of the fear determines how much resistance you can put up against the roaring inferno of urge inside. More importantly, piety is not the perfection many struggle to depict in public. Piety is something that exists between a slave and His Lord, in public and in secret!
2. Learn self restrain.
Do not be someone who naturally gives in to his desires without a fight. Be the master of your body not a slave to it. Be able to say no to the longings of your loins. This requires a lot of discipline. If children can be taught discipline to refuse sweets from strangers despite their love for it, adults can teach themselves to resist the temptation to fulfill their urges in unlawful means despite their longing for it.
3. Marry as early as you can.
This is the only workable solution, although the first two points need to be present otherwise marriage will solve nothing. Irrespective of what the society now makes of it, Islam 'encourages' people to get married early. This will considerably shorten the duration a person has to spend suppressing urges that threaten to consume him.
4. Avoid free mixing with the opposit gender.
A woman can get so aroused that all it will take to tip her over to a point of sexual recklessness is a touch on her skin from a male. Some women get super aroused by simply being in close proximity with males, perceiving the signature masculine scent, listening to their voices or even just looking at their exposed physique. Free mixing may have become such a norm that some people have adapted to it, their urges have been numbed from over excitement after repeated exposures, yet it still portends a danger to young, inexperienced teenagers and those who are struggling to keep their chastity in the world of today. It is safer to limit your interactions with the opposite sex to only what is necessary. I did not bother mentioning those of men because they are more known.
5. Know that those unlawful alternatives you have fashioned out for satisfying your urges - masturbation, pornography, non penetrative sexual activities, etc- , besides being a sin against Allāh, quenches nothing. They are just temporary reliefs, and the urge returns once you stop. That is why you have to keep consuming more till you get addicted, which is when things take a turn for the worse.
6. Keep the company of the pious, and avoid materials that trigger sexual thoughts.
If you keep friends that are always discussing butts, boobs, size and other sexual inanities, you obviously will think more often of sex. Keep friends that remind you of keeping your duties to Allāh. Avoid materials, video and print, that have sexual connotations. These are triggers that will make your resolve harder to keep.
7. Fill your time with beneficial activities that give you less time to think of sex. An iddle mind is the devils workshop.
8. Pray.
Ask Allāh to help you guard your chastity.
May Allāh ease our affairs.
A. Haroun
source http://www.nairaland.com/6710588/handling-crazy-urges
